Comments on: The Starter Wife http://www.talkmorocco.net/articles/2010/07/the-starter-wife/ Just another WordPress weblog Thu, 14 Jul 2011 22:32:26 -0600 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 hourly 1 By: t'mara http://www.talkmorocco.net/articles/2010/07/the-starter-wife/#comment-7635 t'mara Mon, 14 Mar 2011 01:01:55 +0000 http://www.talkmorocco.net/?p=792#comment-7635 salam, This is t'kherbiq that tries to sound like some insightful outlook into the intermarriage that joins an American woman with a Moroccan man. Matters certainly get worse as the disccussion becomes a totalizing statement about what Moroccan normes about acceptance are. It is one thing to track a cultural trend carried out by a community in a geographical as unique manifestation of difference; it is another to singlehandedly attribute failed marriages with foreigners (Americans is a sample) to the very nature of marrying from a cross the border. In America, like in Morocco and the rest of the world divorce happens simply because fundamentals differences could not be fixed mainly by the people concerned .i.e the married couple. The so called Moroccan "interesting" (does this adjective mean anything at all?)culture and its adamant favouring of one's own is a Myth comparable in its grotesquityto Boukhensha. Marriage to a Moroccan should cease to be experienced like the foreigner's visit to l'hammam or those clandestine sexual acts on the roof after the future in-laws went to sleep. The please of experiencing a cultural difference on an intimate and especially shared level has to be snatched out of its exotic mind-blowing dimension and lived as a puerly universal, concrete, human interaction. In other words, looking at an Moroccan way of life through the biased lense of difference will always stress that very difference. When it comes to living together the cultural and geographical bouderies need to at least try to fade, because marriage is not a surreal walk in the old medina that ultimately ends at L'oudaya. It is a life changing experience, and for better or worse needs not be justified with the classical, backwardist rhetoric that only the tourists reverberate. PS: Please avoid approching this subject like the frog in high school labs salam,
This is t’kherbiq that tries to sound like some insightful outlook into the intermarriage that joins an American woman with a Moroccan man. Matters certainly get worse as the disccussion becomes a totalizing statement about what Moroccan normes about acceptance are.
It is one thing to track a cultural trend carried out by a community in a geographical as unique manifestation of difference; it is another to singlehandedly attribute failed marriages with foreigners (Americans is a sample) to the very nature of marrying from a cross the border. In America, like in Morocco and the rest of the world divorce happens simply because fundamentals differences could not be fixed mainly by the people concerned .i.e the married couple. The so called Moroccan “interesting” (does this adjective mean anything at all?)culture and its adamant favouring of one’s own is a Myth comparable in its grotesquityto Boukhensha. Marriage to a Moroccan should cease to be experienced like the foreigner’s visit to l’hammam or those clandestine sexual acts on the roof after the future in-laws went to sleep. The please of experiencing a cultural difference on an intimate and especially shared level has to be snatched out of its exotic mind-blowing dimension and lived as a puerly universal, concrete, human interaction. In other words, looking at an Moroccan way of life through the biased lense of difference will always stress that very difference. When it comes to living together the cultural and geographical bouderies need to at least try to fade, because marriage is not a surreal walk in the old medina that ultimately ends at L’oudaya. It is a life changing experience, and for better or worse needs not be justified with the classical, backwardist rhetoric that only the tourists reverberate.
PS: Please avoid approching this subject like the frog in high school labs

]]> By: Shamz http://www.talkmorocco.net/articles/2010/07/the-starter-wife/#comment-5825 Shamz Fri, 28 Jan 2011 07:49:14 +0000 http://www.talkmorocco.net/?p=792#comment-5825 Interesting topic :) I do not think you are the "starter wife"...he would have left like his friends did, so you got something genuine. I'm also non Moroccan, married to a Moroccan...and I have to say I feel accepted (not at first) ...I love my MIL...she makes the best Couscous...for real :) Salam Interesting topic :)
I do not think you are the “starter wife”…he would have left like his friends did, so you got something genuine.
I’m also non Moroccan, married to a Moroccan…and I have to say I feel accepted (not at first) …I love my MIL…she makes the best Couscous…for real :)
Salam

]]> By: Laila http://www.talkmorocco.net/articles/2010/07/the-starter-wife/#comment-3759 Laila Sun, 21 Nov 2010 21:15:50 +0000 http://www.talkmorocco.net/?p=792#comment-3759 I am a Moroccan woman, and I think the main problem is not that the in-laws see you as a starter wife it is sadly the same way they would have treated a Moroccan daughter-in law. Mothers in law (the majority) are very difficult to deal with, they like to interfere in their sons lives and retain some of the control they think they have over them to satisfy a need: they lack control over their relationships with their own spouses. I have seen my own aunt do it with all their daughters in law: the French one, the American one and in more intensified way with the Moroccan one. With the language barrier not existing they can be at their worst; my own mom after 50 years of marriage still does not get along with the in- laws I am a Moroccan woman, and I think the main problem is not that the in-laws see you as a starter wife it is sadly the same way they would have treated a Moroccan daughter-in law.
Mothers in law (the majority) are very difficult to deal with, they like to interfere in their sons lives and retain some of the control they think they have over them to satisfy a need: they lack control over their relationships with their own spouses.
I have seen my own aunt do it with all their daughters in law: the French one, the American one and in more intensified way with the Moroccan one.
With the language barrier not existing they can be at their worst; my own mom after 50 years of marriage still does not get along with the in- laws

]]> By: MarocMama http://www.talkmorocco.net/articles/2010/07/the-starter-wife/#comment-3758 MarocMama Sun, 21 Nov 2010 20:53:33 +0000 http://www.talkmorocco.net/?p=792#comment-3758 Happy to hear such a good outcome! Happy to hear such a good outcome!

]]> By: Ali http://www.talkmorocco.net/articles/2010/07/the-starter-wife/#comment-3751 Ali Sun, 21 Nov 2010 16:33:04 +0000 http://www.talkmorocco.net/?p=792#comment-3751 Hi I am moroccan married to a very nice and beautiful American jewish woman for 7 years now . we have a beautiful 4y/o daughter. In the beginning , it was my mom who was skeptic . But after my two most favorit ladies meet they fall in love. Hi
I am moroccan married to a very nice and beautiful American jewish woman for 7 years now . we have a beautiful 4y/o daughter. In the beginning , it was my mom who was skeptic . But after my two most favorit ladies meet they fall in love.

]]> By: jennie http://www.talkmorocco.net/articles/2010/07/the-starter-wife/#comment-2888 jennie Fri, 08 Oct 2010 00:51:07 +0000 http://www.talkmorocco.net/?p=792#comment-2888 I too am married to a Moroccan man. I also do not feel that I am a starter wife. My husband tells me I am his first love and last. So, for the women who think I 'stole" him.... how do u stick out ur tongue on this thing...lol I too am married to a Moroccan man. I also do not feel that I am a starter wife. My husband tells me I am his first love and last. So, for the women who think I ’stole” him…. how do u stick out ur tongue on this thing…lol

]]> By: MarocMama http://www.talkmorocco.net/articles/2010/07/the-starter-wife/#comment-2267 MarocMama Tue, 17 Aug 2010 02:02:15 +0000 http://www.talkmorocco.net/?p=792#comment-2267 hafid - you're right and it's the same problem. I think what I was trying to expose is that the generous, hospitable nature is a veiled existence. There are layers of that disposition. Shak - you're right they did and I in no way think I am the starter wife, but feel that from the view of Moroccan women I am just that and will never be accepted into their fold. hafid – you’re right and it’s the same problem. I think what I was trying to expose is that the generous, hospitable nature is a veiled existence. There are layers of that disposition.

Shak – you’re right they did and I in no way think I am the starter wife, but feel that from the view of Moroccan women I am just that and will never be accepted into their fold.

]]> By: shak http://www.talkmorocco.net/articles/2010/07/the-starter-wife/#comment-2245 shak Sat, 14 Aug 2010 16:19:03 +0000 http://www.talkmorocco.net/?p=792#comment-2245 Seems to me that your husband's friends got married for the sole purpose of getting a green card, then if you guys been together for more than 2 years now, looks like you are not "the starter wife". the way I see it, the problem is your husband's entourage, backward mentality. Seems to me that your husband’s friends got married for the sole purpose of getting a green card, then if you guys been together for more than 2 years now, looks like you are not “the starter wife”.
the way I see it, the problem is your husband’s entourage, backward mentality.

]]> By: hafid http://www.talkmorocco.net/articles/2010/07/the-starter-wife/#comment-2078 hafid Tue, 03 Aug 2010 11:31:23 +0000 http://www.talkmorocco.net/?p=792#comment-2078 You have it easy. Picture if you will, the ordeal of a Christian, Buddhist, atheist or (gulp!) Jewish male foreigner dealing with Moroccans who think you have stolen one of "theirs". Then try telling us with a straight face how "Moroccans are generous, hospitable, open armed and tolerant of others". You have it easy.

Picture if you will, the ordeal of a Christian, Buddhist, atheist or (gulp!) Jewish male foreigner dealing with Moroccans who think you have stolen one of “theirs”.

Then try telling us with a straight face how “Moroccans are generous, hospitable, open armed and tolerant of others”.

]]> By: Tweets that mention The Starter Wife • Talk Morocco -- Topsy.com http://www.talkmorocco.net/articles/2010/07/the-starter-wife/#comment-1950 Tweets that mention The Starter Wife • Talk Morocco -- Topsy.com Fri, 30 Jul 2010 02:15:20 +0000 http://www.talkmorocco.net/?p=792#comment-1950 [...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by marocmama and TalkMorocco, Dan DeLa Cruz. Dan DeLa Cruz said: The Starter Wife • Talk Morocco http://bit.ly/9qowSX [...] [...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by marocmama and TalkMorocco, Dan DeLa Cruz. Dan DeLa Cruz said: The Starter Wife • Talk Morocco http://bit.ly/9qowSX [...]

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